Category Archives: Random musings

Gutter Magic

Been playing around with an idea lately:

My name is Neville Stevens, and I am a wizard.


There are standards you see, if you want to call yourself a wizard.  You have to be able to manipulate the five elemental magics, that’s one.  You have to be able to demonstrate mastery of all seven of the mental disciplines, that’s number two.  You need to be able to travel to all twenty-six of the neighboring planes in astral form, and all six of the overlapping planes, physically, which makes number three.  And last, but by no means least, you absolutely must be able to use your third eye.

The mage who scored me and confirmed my status as a wizard told me afterwards that I had the absolute lowest score a person could possibly get and still make the staff.  Making the staff is what it’s called when you join the order, and please, don’t make any jokes about it, I’ve heard them all and, after a few pints, made up a few more.

In the order, they call me the gutter mage.  At first they just said it behind m back, but eventually it become something of an open joke, and now I can’t get them to stop calling me it.  That’s alright though, being a mage is like being a doctor, once you have the diploma up on your wall, it doesn’t really matter what your actual grades were.

Okay, fine, it matters to all the other doctors, but when someone comes in needing a heart transplant, they don’t ask you how you did on your midterms.

Unfortunately that does mean that I find myself getting hired for jobs that I really nave no business getting involved in.


Stuff I think would be cool

So, it occurred to me today,and I posted this on facebook, that it would be very telling if you could get people to answer the question, ‘what do you warn your other friends about me before you introduce us.’  the problem, of course, is that nobody on facebook is going to answer with something like, ‘oh, he’s an asshole.  A good guy, but a real asshole,’ which is, in fact, what I warn some of my friends before I introduce them to other friends.  As for why I have friends who are assholes… it isn’t as though being an asshole is an entirely bad thing…. but back on point, very few people have the nerve to actually tell you your flaws to your face.  but many of us really want to know.  So I thought it would be cool if you could post something on facebook but categorize it in such a way that, a) only people on your friends list could answer but b) the posts were all kept anonymous.

The other thing that I really wish you could do for facebook relates to those stupid ‘which hogwarts house would you be in,’ or ‘which character from firefly are you,’ quizzes.  the thing that bugs me about that is that I already know how I see myself.  What would interest me is if I could set one up so that my friends could take the quiz about me and I could see how they perceived me.

Anyhow, just some stuff I think would be cool.

Rambling musings

So, one of the thing I find a lot in literature is the association of the north with the cold.  It makes sense, of course.  Most of the books I read were written by people from the U.S., or occasionally Europe, both places where traveling North does mean you’re moving into a colder climate.  Creating and explaining a new set of cardinal directions for a story is rarely worth the trouble, and our audience is mostly going to be people in our own country, so we generally just go with what we’re used to.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

But I find myself wondering if that is going to change.

It’s the internet that makes me wonder.

We’ve been able to ship books to the far corners of the globe for a very long time, true, but on of the unfortunate problems we have had up until now has bee that, while it’s easy for someone in the U.S. who has a book published to get it to almost anywhere on the globe, there have been rather more obstacles to someone from, just for example, Nigeria to get their manuscript submitted to a publisher who can ship it to, I don’t know… Chile.

The internet, however, creates a platform that can change all of that.

And if that happens, does that mean that our cultural norms, whether they are based on geography or not, will be more thoroughly examined and more open to dismissal or interpretation?

Also, I made some nachos today, which included slicing up some fresh peppers.  later I touched my face and now my face burns.  Now I want to make a tribe in my post-apocalyptic universe who make peppers into a paste to scar themselves in cool patterns.  I’m sure someone else has done that at some point, but now I want to do it.