So… my book has been out for a couple of days now. Not too terribly long, but a little while. Three days, basically. It’s available for kindle on Amazon, and hopefully will be available in print before too terribly long, fingers crossed. And it’s up on goodreads now, which is nice. Unfortunately the only rating it has, which is on goodreads, is the one I gave it. I keep on reminding myself, it takes most people a couple of days to get through a book. Maybe even a week.
But the knot in my stomach refuses to listen to reason. He’s curled himself into a ball so tight that I’m surprised any food is making it to my lower intestines.
It’s hard, twiddling your thumbs while you wait for strangers to judge you. You know that it’s coming, and you fear it, but you need it, too.
Because if they judge me that means that they see me, and the only thing worse than being judged is being invisible.
I remember that feeling from high school.
Strange, isn’t it? How high school scars us all. It’s been a decade and a half since I went to high school, and I still have nightmares that take place in it.
I keep on expecting the day to come that I shift from childhood dreams to ‘adult’ dreams, whatever that means. But I found out recently that my father, who’s in his sixties now, still has those same nightmares. late to a class you haven’t been going to all year. Test coming up. All that jazz.