So I’m sure that there’s already a name for it. I have no doubt that somewhere in some medical journal there is already an established and accepted term for a person who becomes convinced that they have every single psychological condition that they find out exists.
But somehow I think the process of going through the medical journal in question to find the appropriate name would do me more harm than good.
I’ve gotten better over the years. Now, after my initial gut reaction that, yes obviously I must have multi-personality disassociative anti-tourettes misassociation disorder, I do take a moment, calm myself down, and take a few seconds to consider whether I’ve really experienced those symptoms, or if I’m just searching my memory for one or two moments that have some vague similarity to what I’ve just been hearing about.
I’m not entirely certain why I am immediately inclined to think that anything that could be wrong with my brain, is wrong with it. I have a few vague theories, but they’re mostly just wild guesses. Sometimes I think it’s because i want to believe that I’m more interesting than I really am. Other times I’m convinced that the problem is that our list of mental illnesses is just a very human attempt to fit people who aren’t normal into boxes, and that many of the things that we call mental illnesses are just mild exaggerations of traits found in all of us.
Mostly, though, I think it’s my attempt to take parts of my personality that I don’t love, lop them off, and label them as something foreign to me. Why am I obsessing? Is it something that I need to work on? No, it’s my disease, what I really need is a pill to take the problem away.
Ah, the madness, it is an all consuming thing.